Off to the United Nations to meet Brennan Van Dyke whose function is in the executive office in the UN Environment Programne which has its global headquarters in its own shiny building on the Nairobi UN campus. Her job in her own words is ' to try and help the organisation run as effectively and efficiently as possible', in other words, without her office the entire global UN environmental programme would crash and burn, so a hugely important gear in the giant turning wheel that is the United Nations.
They are based on a huge and staggeringly beautiful campus located among the green forests and gently rolling hills originally selected by the British and other colonial opportunists as the location of choice to have their homes and operations. In fact as we drove up from the swelter, funk and chaos that is Nairobi downtown, the whole journey became increasingly like a drive through the more soigné parts of the swanky bits of the Home Counties with ever more ornate and heavily fortified High Commision and Embassy Compounds, culminating, and this was probably no accident, with the usual Hollywood wet-dream stylee Fortress US Embassy looming right next door to the hugest campus of all- The U.N
The first thing we noticed was the
casual oppression of the soldier with the gun who managed to combine indolence and insolence to an art form as he casually pocketed our driver's passport having flagged us down, wandering away across the road to a layby and motioning the car to follow him.
We had no choice but to get out and lump the camera equipment up to the security gate to announce our arrival. Kir tried to remonstrate with ToyBoySoldier by explaining that the driver had not been briefed by us as to whom we were visiting and therefore was completely blameless. He could not have been less concerned. He knew that we would have had to pay a taxi driver a decent fare and therefore as soon as he could get these bloody Mzungu (White men) away from them, he could exact the necessary income supplementing bribe which would have been extorted at the point of a gun and at least on the threat of retaining the poor driver's ID until he paid. With a resigned roll of the eyes we were effectively dismissed by our taxi man who opted to deal with this as ever in the time 'honoured' fashion.
Thus, with heavy hearts and slightly conscience stricken we retreated to begin the laborious process of negotiating three security screenings and the inevitable process of unpacking and switching on and off cameras, laptops, lights and audio equipment and explaining and re- explaining what we were doing, who we were meeting and why we had found the temerity to even approach this holiest of global corporate governance sites.
As we were spirited into the gilded ex-pat parallel universe that is the Kenyan United Nations compound, it was with great regret that we were forced to leave our good, safe, educated and courteous driver to the predations of corrupt minor officialdom backed up as he was with yet another oh-so-carelessly slung AK47. It suddenly became apparent how foolhardy, and brave are war correspondents and those who seek out the world's hotspots in which to film if it was this gritty just trying to drive to the United Nations in one of the more 'stable' of the world's developing nations. Meanwhile Kir and I were braving the open-toed splendour and hushed elegance of the UN reception and negotiating the gently hissing lawns and magnificently manicured arboreta shading us as we wandered towards the graciously appointed visitors' canteen to wait for our hostess to join us from her essential activities saving the world's Eco systems. I could not help wonder later on, guided touring with Brennan, as we walked past not one but two full-sized UN Convention centres complete with seating, translation booths and AV services for up to 2000 delegates and a huge foyer- style delegate lounge and bar complete with UN styled special order carpet, delegates for the use of about three times a year, while, no more than two miles away we had just driven through two of the worst slums I had ever seen and our driver ( I wonder how he was getting on with the wall-eyed Official Outlaw outside the gated paradise) was being obliged to spend at least half of the hard-earned fare Kir had just paid him in baksheesh, simply to win his papers back and get on his way. Perhaps so far in three days in Kenya, my abiding impression has been how clearly the one percent, be it African or international business, or the United Nations itself were investing their potency in ensuring the remaining 99 percent stayed firmly just outside the gates of paradise. The whole thing is a parable wrapped in an ironic self-referential reductio as absurdam. The Whore'N Terror is very much to blame for this, but given how few people actually were bothered or indeed have the time or resources to be Terrorists of any real significance, one begins to wonder to what extent the arms manufacturers and vested international capitalists institutions are keeping the myth of terror alive and well, simply to serve their own alarmingly self-interested ends.....?
Finally about an hour and a half after the appointed time Brennan wended her way towards us across the trim and tidy lawns with her bicycle. Would we like a quick tour of the campus before the interview? Would we ever!
Brennan was incredibly engaging, engaged and lucid about the essential nature of sound ecological policies and the importance of bringing young people into the process which as far as Activation are concerned was pushing on a door already wide open.
Despite her eloquence and clear commitment to the cause and how her department of the UN would like the world to be, she was blunt to the point of scornful of the local Kenyan efforts to contribute other than in a wholly PR driven mode, rotten to the core as she clearly thought the local political system might appear. As she opined, it was difficult to develop and sustain any kind of national policy on the environment, when owing to the outrageous Kenyatta land grab, half of the country was owned by less than twenty sets of ingrained family interests, any of which could be bought, co- opted and/or corrupted by the highest payers irrespective of the potentially disastrous long term impacts on the local Eco systems, good governance principles or the commonwealth of the kind and attractive people of Kenya.
This interview concluded with the UN flag poles artfully framed behind Kir and Brennan in the middle distance, the three of us repaired to one of the eight large and well appointed international eateries which bordered the UN and US campuses within a four minute walk and so, as Mr S Pepys would say. to bed
Nairobi Airport- 7.30 am waiting for our flight to Kisumu, I enjoyed
long and probably over- detailed conversation with Kir and Maurice re toilet arrangements.
Why do Westerners have such a phobia of shitting on the ground and burying it? Do they fear soiling themselves, do they feel vulnerable, is it overbearing anally retentive childhood conditioning or is just a completely illogical set of thought processes which psychologically disable normal basic bodily functioning unless somehow some porcelain manufacturer has deemed it arranged satisfactorily and certainly behind a safy locked door?
Anyway we shared a laugh and headed off to the plane.
I was very much looking forward the view over the Great Rift Valley but low morning cloud thought otherwise. What was amazing from the air was the incredible smog over Nairobi from the solid traffic queues in which we had sat for two hours each way to and from the airport.
What was particularly noticeable was the corrugated roofs of the countless Nairobi slums glistening in the morning sun as they stretched and snaked their way, like so many puddles of distress, far out into the beautiful verdant bush surrounding and defining the city which spawns them.
30 minutes later we were descending to Kisumu coming in low over Lake Victoria dotted with fleets of fishing vessels. From the air the lake which is big as an inland sea, was a deep green. I later found out that this is because of the huge infestation of water hyacinth weed which has almost choked to death significant areas of the lake, ruining the fishing and in some places, much of the lake's natural flora and fauna. The wild growth of the weed is blamed to a large extent on the huge quantities of fertiliser thrown on the land in the upstream areas of the water sources, rivers and steams which then feed into the lake. Another scandalous eco- disaster entirely man made and mostly possible both to address and remedy, were the political will and institutions in place. The governor of the province was up in 1st class on our flight, all shiny suit and busy looking. I wonder if he looks down on the lake and has a moment's pause for thought about the problem?
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